{"id":9570,"date":"2022-11-08T10:26:23","date_gmt":"2022-11-08T16:26:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theclarion.org\/?p=9570"},"modified":"2022-11-08T10:26:23","modified_gmt":"2022-11-08T16:26:23","slug":"love-shouldnt-hurt-ever-86","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/?p=9570","title":{"rendered":"Love shouldn\u2019t hurt – ever"},"content":{"rendered":"

Self-abandonment<\/strong>
\nDo you often hide parts of yourself from others in order to fit in? Do you second guess yourself or discount your feelings because you think they don\u2019t matter?
\nThese are examples of self-abandonment. Every time we don\u2019t act in our own best interest, don\u2019t encourage or comfort ourselves, or don\u2019t value our thoughts and feelings, we are abandoning ourselves. If you grew up in an unpredictable, chaotic, or abusive family, you probably learned to hide your true self. You learned to be a chameleon, changing into whatever role kept you safe from verbal, emotional, and physical abuse. You may have felt that your worth depended on what you did for others or what you accomplished (and that whatever you did, it wasn\u2019t enough).<\/p>\n

These coping skills and feelings of worthlessness carry over into our adult lives and affect our relationships.<\/p>\n

Some examples of self-abandonment are:<\/p>\n

\u2022 You second guess yourself, overthink things, and let others make decisions for you.
\n\u2022 You suppress your needs and interests to please others.
\n\u2022 You hide parts of yourself (interest and goals) or you don\u2019t share your feelings.
\n\u2022 You have unrealistically high expectations for yourself and never feel worthy.
\n\u2022 You are critical and judgmental of yourself.
\n\u2022 You don\u2019t recognize your needs are valid, fail to practice self-care or feel unworthy of self-care.
\n\u2022 You do things to please others even if they go against your beliefs and values.
\n\u2022 You focus on someone else\u2019s needs, wants, and problems and neglect yourself.
\n\u2022 You don\u2019t speak up for yourself and let people take advantage of you.<\/p>\n

Fashion designer Diane Von Furstenberg wrote, \u201cThe most important relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself. Because no matter what happens, you will always be with yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

When you learn self-love, the relationship you have with yourself becomes the template for all the other relationships in your life. Even when it feels uncomfortable, we need to cultivate a loving relationship with ourselves. Here are some examples of how we can create loving relationships with ourselves:<\/p>\n

\u2022 Be a safe haven for your own needs and feelings. You\u2019ll be happier and healthier when you meet your needs. Use meditation to learn self-acceptance and tolerance.
\n\u2022 Be authentic. Not everyone is going to like you and that\u2019s okay. Spend some time rediscovering what you like and what matters to you.
\n\u2022 Practice self-compassion. Be mindful of when you are struggling and give yourself care and comfort.
\n\u2022 Set healthy boundaries and assert yourself. Many of us are afraid of offending or angering other people or we fear we will be abandoned if we stand up for ourselves, but letting others walk all over you is self-abandonment. It is saying that you will accept disrespect, blame, and invalidation because you don\u2019t believe you are worthy of anything better. Healthy relationships begin with healthy boundaries.<\/p>\n

How will you start to show up for yourself? It doesn\u2019t matter where you begin, just take one small step today to value yourself. Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. Having a safe, non-judgmental place to unpack your feelings can make a difference in your healing. We also offer a 24\/7 HELPline (256.716.1000) where you can speak with a trained crisis counselor or you may reach our Jackson County office at 256.574.5826.\u00a0<\/p>\n

-Rebecca Hieronymi<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Self-abandonment Do you often hide parts of yourself from others in order to fit in? Do you second guess yourself or discount your feelings because you think they don\u2019t matter?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9570","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-shouldnt-hurt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9570","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9570"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9570\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9571,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9570\/revisions\/9571"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9570"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9570"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9570"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}