{"id":6544,"date":"2021-11-01T07:50:06","date_gmt":"2021-11-01T13:50:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theclarion.org\/?p=6544"},"modified":"2021-11-01T07:50:50","modified_gmt":"2021-11-01T13:50:50","slug":"love-shouldnt-hurt-ever-36","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/?p=6544","title":{"rendered":"Love shouldn\u2019t hurt – ever"},"content":{"rendered":"

Societal Influences<\/strong>
\nby Teresia Smith<\/em><\/p>\n

Have you ever wondered how it\u2019s so easy to get involved in an abusive relationship and not realize it\u2019s unhealthy and stay? We tend to ask questions such as, \u201cCan\u2019t they see the red flags\u201d and \u201cWhy don\u2019t they know this is not okay?\u201d and, \u201cWhy don\u2019t they just leave?\u201d<\/p>\n

Society romanticizes unhealthy relationships, and people can be persuaded to believe these non-truths.
\nStop and think of how many young families you know that are already matching up their children in boyfriend\/girlfriend pairs as early as pre-k and kindergarten. How many times do we catch ourselves asking a small child if they have a girlfriend or a boyfriend? When a boy is mean to a girl, we say it\u2019s because he likes you. We are teaching our kids it\u2019s okay to be unkind if you have feelings you don\u2019t know how to handle.<\/p>\n

As early as elementary or junior high we are allowing kids who are not emotionally mature enough for a romantic relationship to pair off. Parents get upset when their kids are hurt because preteen break ups are ugly. One week your son may be the girl\u2019s favorite person, the next she\u2019s spreading rumors because he broke her heart. We are teaching our kids it\u2019s okay to hurt someone to make yourself feel better.<\/p>\n

What about the music and movies produced? Have you ever really listened to the lyrics of some songs? In 1962, The Crystal\u2019s had a hit called \u201cHe Hit Me (It Felt Like A Kiss)\u201d. Some lyrics read \u201cIf he didn\u2019t care for me \/ I could have never made him mad \/ But he hit me, and I was glad.\u201d Then the Dixie Chick\u2019s song \u201cGoodbye Earl\u201d which follows Mary Anne and Wanda as they \u201cplot the death of Wanda\u2019s abusive husband Earl, who, after Wanda files for divorce, \u2018walked right through that restraining order \/ and put her in intensive care\u2019.\u201d In 1994, Martina McBride wrote a controversial song called \u201cIndependence Day\u201d where the lyrics condemn the community that knew the abuse was happening but chose to not intervene. She sings \u201cSome folks whispered, some folks talked \/ but everybody looked the other way,\u201d Tracy Chapman\u2019s song, \u201cBehind the Wall\u201d, tells a story of bystander intervention. The song tells of someone trying to help a neighbor who is being abused and feeling failed by the system. Part of the lyric is, \u201cCalling the police does nothing, she quickly discovers, as \u201cthey always come late, if they come at all,\u201d<\/p>\n

There are also movies that also romanticize abusive relationships and influence society\u2019s acceptance. The Twilight series was very popular with teens and adults. And from Twilight, the relationship between Bella and Edward is still glorified as romantic when in reality, it is emotionally abusive. Community member Calsey G. shared, \u201cWatching the movies and reading the books when you\u2019re younger, it\u2019s like he\u2019s so protective and it\u2019s endearing, but growing up is realizing he was a stalker\/manipulator who had to have control.\u201d Even before knowing Bella, Edward would sneak into her room to watch her sleep. This is not romantic, this is stalking. Edward also limits where Bella can go and who she is allowed to see. In one scene he keeps her from driving to see Jacob by breaking a part of her car. This behavior is not romantic, it\u2019s controlling.<\/p>\n

I hate to even mention \u201c50 Shades of Grey\u201d but the books and movie were insanely popular and many are familiar with them. A lot of the abusive behaviors seen in \u201cTwilight\u201d are also seen in \u201c50 Shades.\u201d Just like Edward, Christian Grey is a wealthy, domineering male who stalks his victim, a naive, inexperienced girl. Caitlin Roper, a blogger for The Huffington Post U.K., describes Christian\u2019s abusive behavior in this way: \u201cThe \u201cromantic\u201d lead is Christian Grey, a deeply disturbed individual who immediately begins stalking the na\u00efve and virginal Ana. Christian is jealous, controlling and manipulative and has a penchant for sexual violence (this man just has \u201ccatch\u201d written all over him). He even attempts to persuade Ana to sign a contract that allows him complete control over her, from making herself available to him for sex on demand down to dictating what and when she can eat.\u201d<\/p>\n

I do think it can be helpful to have movies and songs that show abusive relationships because they are a part of reality for many; however, there\u2019s a fine line between showing the reality and making it seem romantic. It\u2019s time to stop confusing passion with abuse and look at stories like these as more of a warning of what to avoid. It is important to have conversations about these movies and point out the errors in how they are portrayed. Young and vulnerable people may watch these movies and be persuaded that these behaviors are normal.<\/p>\n

Healthy relationships have hallmarks that we need to promote. Within that relationship, I should feel safe, valued and supported. My partner should be truthful, understanding, and trusting. I should be able to have friends and my own hobbies and interests, and my partner should respect my relationship with my family. I should feel accepted as I am and be treated as an equal person. These are all qualities of a healthy relationship.<\/p>\n

Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services to survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence. Our trained crisis counselors may be reached in Jackson County at 256.574.5826 or at our 24\/7 HELPline at 256.716.1000. You are not alone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Societal Influences by Teresia Smith Have you ever wondered how it\u2019s so easy to get involved in an abusive relationship and not realize it\u2019s unhealthy and stay? We tend to ask questions such as, \u201cCan\u2019t they see the red flags\u201d and \u201cWhy don\u2019t they know this is not okay?\u201d and, \u201cWhy don\u2019t they just leave?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-shouldnt-hurt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6544","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6544"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6544\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6545,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6544\/revisions\/6545"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6544"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6544"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6544"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}