{"id":14218,"date":"2024-12-11T13:12:24","date_gmt":"2024-12-11T19:12:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theclarion.org\/?p=14218"},"modified":"2024-12-11T13:12:24","modified_gmt":"2024-12-11T19:12:24","slug":"love-shouldnt-hurt-29","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/?p=14218","title":{"rendered":"Love shouldn\u2019t hurt"},"content":{"rendered":"

Silent Support<\/strong>
\nby Teresia Smith<\/em><\/p>\n

Imagine a friend has just confided a serious revelation. They disclose to you that they are being abused by their partner. They tell you they just didn\u2019t know who to talk to but trusted you. This can be a critical time and you want to support them in a way that will be helpful. Inside you are screaming \u201cWhy don\u2019t you leave,\u201d but your response at this time needs to be one of support.
\nErnest Hemingway once said: \u201cIn our darkest moments, we don\u2019t need solutions or advice. What we yearn for is simply human connection\u2014a quiet presence, a gentle touch. These small gestures are the anchors that hold us steady when life feels like too much. Please don\u2019t try to fix me. Don\u2019t take on my pain or push away my shadows. Just sit beside me as I work through my inner storms. Be the steady hand I can reach for as I find my way. My pain is mine to carry, my battles mine to face. But your presence reminds me I\u2019m not alone in this vast, sometimes frightening world. It\u2019s a quiet reminder that I am worthy of love, even when I feel broken. So, in those dark hours when I lose my way, will you just be here? Not as a rescuer, but as a companion. Hold my hand until the dawn arrives, helping me remember my strength. Your silent support is the most precious gift you can give. It\u2019s a love that helps me remember who I am, even when I forget.\u201d<\/p>\n

Janice Miller, director of client services at House of Ruth, an intimate partner violence center in Maryland, explains, \u201cThe goal in this conversation is not to get her to leave; the goal is to make sure she feels heard and validated. The most important response a friend or family member can give is, \u2018I\u2019m so sorry this is happening to you.\u2019 Acknowledge that this is a terrible thing they\u2019re expressing.\u201d Make sure to establish your support, before you share your concerns. Focus on the victim and her safety and not the abuser. If you start to point out the negative things about the abuser, the victim may feel the need to defend them. Relationships and emotions are complicated and if there are any good things about the relationship, it will be difficult for them to walk away.
\nWhen someone is in the middle of an abusive relationship, they become convinced it\u2019s their fault.<\/p>\n

Fear and shame become constant companions. Often, a victim knows their family and friends\u2019 opinions about women who stay in abusive relationships and they are afraid of judgment if others know about their situation. And even though they have your love and support, they feel like your feelings towards them may change if you knew what was happening in their home. Remember, even when an abuser isn\u2019t physically hurting the victim, he\u2019s often still controlling them in their head and it\u2019s hard to think clearly.<\/p>\n

We must become more educated about the dynamics and mechanics of domestic violence and we need to be aware of our preconceived notions and biases about the victims so we can freely offer our support. When someone confides in you that they are being abused, it can feel paralyzing because you fear saying the wrong thing. Remember, the survivor is looking for someone to confide in and who can tell them the abusive behavior they are experiencing is not okay. They are probably not asking you to fix anything, but just to listen.
\nKnowing your local resources will be a huge help in guiding your friend. Many communities have domestic violence and sexual assault services available. In our area, Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free and confidential services such as crisis counseling, court advocacy, access to forensic nurses, referrals and support groups. You can reach the Jackson County office at 256.574.5826. We also offer a 24\/7 HELPline, where you can talk to a trained crisis counselor at 256.716.1000. Reach out for support. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Silent Support by Teresia Smith Imagine a friend has just confided a serious revelation. They disclose to you that they are being abused by their partner. They tell you they just didn\u2019t know who to talk to but trusted you. This can be a critical time and you want to support them in a way […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14218","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-shouldnt-hurt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14218","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=14218"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14218\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":14219,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/14218\/revisions\/14219"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=14218"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=14218"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=14218"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}