{"id":13893,"date":"2024-10-15T09:11:10","date_gmt":"2024-10-15T15:11:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theclarion.org\/?p=13893"},"modified":"2024-10-15T09:11:10","modified_gmt":"2024-10-15T15:11:10","slug":"love-shouldnt-hurt-21","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/?p=13893","title":{"rendered":"Love shouldn\u2019t hurt"},"content":{"rendered":"

Domestic Violence: A Family Pattern<\/strong>
\nby Teresia Smith<\/em><\/p>\n

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Each year we use the month of October to shine a spotlight on this continuing issue. Domestic violence happens to someone every day. The national theme this year is \u201cEvery1 Knows Some1\u201d and statistics back that up. Break the Cycle shares these statistics:
\n\u2022Every minute 32 people experience intimate partner violence in the United States.
\n\u2022In the United States, nearly every 1 in 2 women and more than 2 in 5 men reported experiencing intimate partner violence at some point in their lifetime.
\nSo, as part of awareness, we must ask ourselves, despite the continued efforts of advocates, law enforcement, the criminal justice system, batterer reform programs and nonprofits like Crisis Services of North Alabama providing services and spreading awareness, why is domestic violence still so commonplace? Why does it feel like as soon as one survivor escapes abuse, others are reaching out for help? Let\u2019s examine one of the reasons that have been uncovered.<\/p>\n

Parental influence. Brian Martin, CEO of The Childhood Domestic Violence Association, was a survivor of childhood domestic violence. As an adult, he chose to volunteer at a local DV shelter. He noted that there were far more children than adults in the shelter. When his mother was escaping abuse, he too had stayed in a shelter and his experience taught him that shelters didn\u2019t usually have the resources to help the children deal with the trauma they had experienced.<\/p>\n

Martin recounts, \u201cI\u2019ll never forget a researcher said one of the best predictors of whether you\u2019ll be in a violent relationship is if you grew up with them. All of the other researchers just nodded their head and looked down. That was a real problem because, if one of the best predictors if whether, as an adult, you\u2019ll be in a relationship that involves domestic violence is whether or not you grew up living with it, and there are no services for those who grew up with [domestic violence], how do you stem that problem? And if there\u2019s no awareness that this has an impact, then how do you begin to even address it?\u201d<\/p>\n

So why do some abused children grow up to abuse others? Not all children of domestic violence will grow up to be victims or abusers. However, sometimes the cycle is repeated and we should examine why this happens. Katie Lear, a counselor from NC, states, \u201cOne reason that children may emulate an abusive parent is due to a psychological concept called \u2018identification with the aggressor.\u2019 All children love and look up to their parents and aspire to be like them. When a parent is angry or violent, children face a dilemma: Do they fear the parent, or act like them?\u201d Some children who have lived in domestic violence households struggle with self-esteem and carry immense guilt.<\/p>\n

They often ask themselves why they couldn\u2019t stop the aggressor and blame themselves because they watched the abuse and couldn\u2019t do anything to stop it. And if the abuse is generational, sometimes it\u2019s just an accepted way of life and the victims see it as normalized and they don\u2019t realize they deserve better. Living through abuse can change one\u2019s response to violence growing up. A child learns that violence is normal, familiar, and acceptable. This is why education about domestic violence and healthy\/unhealthy relationships is so important. When kids only see violence as a response to someone they are supposed to love, that is what they will learn to do.<\/p>\n

So how can we break the cycle? Domestic violence is such a complex issue that there aren\u2019t easy answers. However, there are some ways we can help children who have lived in abuse. Providing counseling services, mental health services, and educating everyone about the signs of healthy and unhealthy relationships is a great start. Early on, teach children that they have body autonomy and are free to choose who they hug or want to be near. By dating age, make sure teens know what red flags to look for in a partner and what constitutes a good dating relationship. The best advice is to address domestic violence and abuse before it starts and work to build healthy relationships. Having someone as a mentor they can confide in early on is also key to prevention. All of us must be united to end domestic violence and child abuse.<\/p>\n

Crisis Services of North Alabama offers free services for victims of sexual assault and domestic violence in a safe, confidential setting. Though we do not have services for young children, we can offer referrals. You may reach us at our Jackson County office 256.574.5826 or our 24\/7 HELPline 256.716.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Domestic Violence: A Family Pattern by Teresia Smith October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Each year we use the month of October to shine a spotlight on this continuing issue. Domestic violence happens to someone every day. The national theme this year is \u201cEvery1 Knows Some1\u201d and statistics back that up. Break the Cycle shares […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13893","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-shouldnt-hurt"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13893","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=13893"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13893\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13894,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13893\/revisions\/13894"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=13893"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=13893"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/test.theclarion.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=13893"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}